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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Hal Phillips' LiveJournal:

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    Monday, May 26th, 2008
    8:47 pm
    Dead For Real
     This Livejournal.
    It is dead for real this time.
    Now I have http://halphillips.org
    It's not really doing much yet, but it will be.
    So this shit's over.
    Go there.
    Wednesday, February 6th, 2008
    1:51 pm
    I usually write closed captioning for TV, but today, I'm doing it for the DVD release of "The Big Gay Sketch Show". Since it's on DVD, it's uncensored. Here are some phrases that I got paid to write today:

    "COME ON, YOU FAGGOT"
    "FREUDIAN COCK"
    "YOU FUCKING CUNT"
    "YOU BARREN CUM RAG"

    I look forward to finding out what I'll get paid to write for the rest of the week.
    Monday, November 19th, 2007
    5:22 pm
    Tyler Durden
     I am captioning Until Death., a Jean-Claude Van Damme film that came out less than a year ago. It's probably the worst film I've ever seen, full of cliched tough-cop stuff.

    Occasionally, it transitions from one scene to the next with a series of fast-paced images-- usually just shots of the characters, or something else mundane. You can't really make out what the images are unless you freeze the frame.

    In one of the transitions, for exactly two frames, you see this:

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    That is not a character who appears anywhere in the film. It makes no sense. I don't know who that is or why that image appears for two frames.

    I think that's pretty weird.

    Current Mood: slipknot
    Monday, August 20th, 2007
    2:13 pm
    231.5 Days Into 2007
     Here is my list of the top films of 2007 so far, as presented by someone who has only seen three of them:

    1) The Ten
    2) Grindhouse
    3) The Bourne Ultimatum

    Here they are again, in chronological order of when I saw them:

    1) Grindhouse
    2) The Bourne Ultimatum
    3) The Ten

    Here they are again, alphabetically:

    1) The Bourne Ultimatum
    2) Grindhouse
    3) The Ten

    Here they are again, in another order:

    1) Grindhouse
    2) The Ten
    3) The Bourne Ultimatum

    Current Mood: when doves cry
    Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
    5:12 pm
    So on Friday night, I wore makeup, for a show in which I played Robert Smith.
    I've worn makeup before, but not often and not recently.
    And the makeup I bought for this was cheap crap.

    That makeup FUCKED UP MY FUCKING FACE.

    Ever since Friday night, it has been red and crackly.

    This is annoying.
    11:07 am
    Thanks to SpongeBob SquarePants's friend Patrick, I suddenly have an intense craving for a peanut butter taco.
    Wednesday, July 18th, 2007
    11:32 am
    All my life, I've hated hot weather and loved cold weather. This might go back to when I was a week old, and I'm told my parents drove me home from the hospital during a mid-July heatwave in a car with broken air conditioning. Most people's idea of a "nice day" is not mine. Weather forecasters should not fucking editorialize.

    I've also always preferred cold or room temperature food. When I eat leftovers, I don't heat them up. When I was a kid and we ordered in from Chicken Holiday, I loved to eat cold leftover french fries the next day. When I order pizza, I tell them not to bother heating it up in the oven. Whenever I hear a reference to "hot meals", it sounds like a consolation prize. (The word "meals" kinda gets to me, too.)

    I also hate sitting on a chair that's warm from someone else sitting on it.

    I'll bet that if I thought about it more, I could think of more examples of me not loving warmth.

    I wonder what that says about me. It has to say something. I don't know whether it's nature or nurture, but either way, it's not isolated.

    Maybe it's just a metaphor come to life, and if I liked warm weather, I'd be a warmer, more caring person.

    Even if I did, I'd still hate the beach.
    Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
    5:25 pm
    The MTV cafe has a typo on a sign right now.
    Instead of "black and white cookies", it says "black and white coolies".

    "Coolies" sounds like an appealing name for some form of snack food, and if anyone who is reading this works in marketing, I encourage you to use it. I would buy Coolies.
    Thursday, July 12th, 2007
    1:20 pm
    On Saturday afternoon, I found out that I would briefly portray Bono from U2 in a sketch comedy show, as part of a sketch that dealt with demonic possession and otherworldly spirits.
    Rehearsed it on Saturday and Sunday, performed it on Monday night.

    On Tuesday, some of my co-workers went to some Viacom "town meeting" thing in the building where we work, and Bono was apparently there, giving a speech.
    That night, someone played Bono in an improv show that I saw.
    And something Bono-related came up yesterday, too, although I've apparently somehow forgotten it.

    I'm worried that by playing Bono, I've summoned him, and he is now haunting me.
    Bono is a poltergeist.
    Until I can find a way to exorcise Bono, he will be everywhere I turn, taunting me, laughing.
    Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
    1:49 pm
    Google Update
     Here are some phrases that, up to now, have produced zero search results in Google.
    I hope that with this entry, I can do my part to ensure that if these phrases are ever sought, they shall be found.

    "judicial groupie french fire"
    "i bought a facefuck at the facefuck store"
    "stimpity cloop balup"
    "layne staley and morgan fairchild are the same dude"
    "norman rockwell sandwich ant fuck"
    Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
    10:56 am
    Last year, I captioned an episode of this MTV pseudo-reality series called "Engaged And Underage", about this young Christian couple that was getting married and were gonna fuck for the first time, and the groom had an overbearing mother with whom he had a creepy co-dependent relationship that hovered freakishly close to incest.

    Then, a few months ago, I had to caption an updated version of the episode. They took some scenes out, added in some new ones, and had a "where are they now?" bit at the end.

    I am now captioning the THIRD version of this show. Again, they've taken out some bits and added others.

    I am convinced that at some point in this episode, Greedo will shoot first.

    Also, I helped a couple of lost tourists figure out where they were going yesterday, and had to fight back a lot of laughter as it became clear that they weren't just non-NYC-savvy; they were idiots. When I tried to explain that they'd gotten on the uptown N when they wanted the downtown: "I thought the N was just the N. I didn't know there was uptown N and downtown N." When I asked where they were trying to go: "9/11."
    Thursday, May 24th, 2007
    1:40 pm
    I never, or rarely, have energy.
    Like right now.
    I got a lot of sleep last night.
    But I could fall the fuck asleep right now.

    Especially after I eat food.
    Leaves me sluggish for hours.

    I need to figure out how to change my lifestyle.
    I can't live this way.
    I need energy.
    Sunday, May 13th, 2007
    11:53 pm
    I almost literally have no free time ever.
    Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
    3:53 pm
    I don't use this journal anymore, but just in case anyone still has it on their friends page or whatever:

    I am desperately trying to find a roommate to get an apartment with.

    If you or someone you know wants to move to Astoria on April 1, let's do it.

    If you or someone you know wants to move to Astoria LATER than April 1, let's get a place and I'll sublet the other room to someone else from April 1 until whenever it is you move in.

    I can't find anyone who wants to get a place, and I am freaking the fuck out.
    Thursday, May 11th, 2006
    2:12 pm
    I found the Myspace profile for the girl I liked in second grade, who moved away at the end of that year.

    And now we're talking 'n' stuff.

    That's weird.

    She's kinda hot.
    Monday, April 24th, 2006
    5:35 pm
    The Lynyrd Skynyrd song "That's How I Like It" is about redneck pride, and it includes the line "you won't find me online".

    Therefore, I think it's funny that Lynyrd Skynyrd has an official website.
    Friday, March 31st, 2006
    1:08 pm
    Reminder:

    Big Tobacco
    with Primal Bias and the Five Dudes
    TOMORROW, Saturday, April 1
    10:30 p.m.
    $8
    BYOB
    free 40s for people who come early

    !!!
    Monday, March 27th, 2006
    4:07 pm
    It has come to my attention that the first several people to arrive at my show on Saturday will receive free 40s.

    Now will you go?
    Friday, March 24th, 2006
    2:05 pm
    Can someone who has my phone number do me a favor?

    At 12:30 p.m. on Sunday, I need someone to send me this as a text message:

    bcMR Y

    I'll know what it means, and it'll help me out a lot.

    Thanks.
    Tuesday, March 21st, 2006
    5:33 pm
    My life's different:

    --I'm keeping my apartment.

    --I work at MTV, doing closed captioning.

    --I'm in an improv comedy group called Big Tobacco.

    Speaking of which, we're having our first show ever, on Saturday, April 1st, at 10:30 p.m., at Under St. Marks (94 St. Marks between 1st Ave. and Ave. A). We're opening up for Primal Bias and Five Dudes.

    It's $8, and it's BYOB.

    Please go. Please. I'll love you. Please.

    Also, please stay for Five Dudes and Primal Bias, both of whom are fucking incredible and you'll totally thank me for having led to them existing as a part of your life.
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